Benda family makes its own path
If someone asked Karen Benda to write the age-old essay "How I spent my summer vacation," she would have quite a story to tell. Karen spent her summer changing her family of one to a family of four by adopting three siblings: Lonnie 14, Krista 11, and Sierra 9 1/2.
Adopting three children sounds like an overwhelming job. However, even as a high school student, Karen thought about being a foster parent or adopting. Her desire to help children led her to the decision to adopt.
"I asked my case worker how many children in Kansas are available for adoption and her response was 1,600," said Karen. "God has given me so much. I just thought with the talents and skills I have working with children I should give something back."
Karen is a teacher for Marion County Special Education Cooperative and has taught at Hillsboro High School for 18 years.
About a year and a half ago she began the adoption process. She went through Kansas Children's Service League which is a private, non-profit agency providing a continuum of programs and services and advocating for children. KCSL also collaborates with other public and private agencies for increased effectiveness, efficiency, and quality care for families.
KCSL has offices in Wichita, Manhattan, Salina, and Topeka and offers a variety of services across the state including adoption and adoption search. People who adopt through KSCL are reimbursed for travel and court costs.
Karen completed a home study and answered many questions about her ideas on discipline, family, spirituality, and other areas. After she completed the home study and questions, she began looking at pictures of children ready for adoption on the Internet site of KCSL. When she saw the pictures of the children, she knew they were the ones.
"I saw their pictures, and I said, 'I want to know more about them'," Karen said.
She met the children for the first time Jan. 4 and as the old cliché goes, "it was love at first sight." The children moved into their new home May 29 and Karen's life has changed and grown over the past three months.
One way the four-bedroom house had already grown was the addition of a master bath and back porch.
"When I bought this house, I did it with the idea of adopting in mind," she said. "I built on for the kiddos. I wanted a house where we all have the opportunity to have our own space."
Another way of growing was the addition of a van or as Karen calls it the "Mom mobile." Her Chevy S-10 pickup didn't fit the family and while many people in Benda's stage of life might be thinking of downsizing, she up-sized.
The van was a necessity, especially during the summer months. All the children were involved in multiple activities including baseball, softball, swim team, and fun. They went camping, took a trip to Oklahoma to meet new cousins, and spent time at the farm owned by Karen's brother.
Like most busy parents with three busy children, Benda meets herself coming and going.
"My biggest problem has been figuring out how to get the kids from A to B and still keeping some time for myself," said Benda. "I want them to be involved in as many activities as they want."
According to Karen, the new family has had its tidal waves and its small celebrations.
"Understanding the meaning and importance of curfew is a tidal wave we're still working on," said Benda. "Good papers and good reports from school are reasons for small celebrations."
The KCSL adoption process usually takes nine months. There is a nine- month waiting period including a six-month transition and three months to complete the legal work. The Benda children's adoption should be completed by Christmas.
"The caseworker said everything is going so good that we won't need to wait the full nine months," Benda said.
Benda finds herself in a unique situation, especially in Hillsboro. While the number of single parents has grown in Hillsboro in recent years, she is a single parent who has never married who chose to raise children by herself.
"I want my kids to know I am learning with them," she said. "I'm in a unique situation and I don't have a partner or many resources to ask for help."
Karen would most definitely recommend the adoption process to others with some stipulations.
"People who adopt children the age of mine must understand that they have emotional hurts," said Benda. "Life has not been smooth sailing for them and the new family structure will hit some high waves also."
Lonnie is in the eighth grade at the Hillsboro Middle School and his favorite classes are math, science, and technology.
"I like school here, especially the opportunities to use technology," he said.
He's also on the football team and likes soccer and basketball.
Sixth grader Krista likes Hillsboro, the friends she has made, and her classes. Coming from a small school, she likes the size of Hillsboro's school system better. Her favorite class is physical education and she enjoys wilderness-type activities, especially camping.
Fourth grader Sierra's favorite classes are recess and computer. Her favorite activity is soccer.
The children were in the foster care system for a total of four years, separated for three years and reunited for the past 18 months.
"I'm glad we're being adopted," said Krista. "It is a good fit for us."
A question Karen is frequently asked is "Three children?"
"My response to that is my desire to keep a sibling group together," Karen said. "The previous young man I had guardianship of always said, 'If you do it again, keep the kids together.' Today, as a adult, he lives with a brother."
Meanwhile, Karen is learning to expect the unexpected and not assume her children know things one would expect children their age to know.
"They missed out on part of their lives," she said. "I'm surprised, however, at how smoothly the first three months have gone."
For all the ways the Bendas are unique in their family situation there are just as many ways they are the same as other families.
