Hill-Topics
Well, for those of us who missed the chance to celebrate "Talk Like a Pirate Day," last Sept. 19, on Friday we can celebrate something far less silly — Groundhog Day!
In honor of the occasion, here are a few Groundhog Groaners to gnaw on.
What would you get if you crossed February 2 with a puppy? A: Ground-dog Day!
Q: What happened when the groundhog met the dogcatcher? A: He became a pound hog!
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Yes, Groundhog Day, held every year on Feb. 2, is not only a burrow of laughs, it has become a hyped-up, media affair, like a Super Bowl for a big, furry, rodents. According to the official Groundhog Day web site www.groundhog.org the entire world will be tuned-in at around 7:25 a.m. Eastern Time, on Friday, at Punxsutawney, Pa., as Punxsutawney Phil comes out of his burrow on Gobbler's Knob to predict the weather for the rest of winter (which would be the rest of summer for fans watching via satellite from the Southern Hemisphere).
Befitting the occasion, the pulling will be done by a man wearing a top-hat and tails (and, presumably, protective gloves). With much ado, he will pull the groundhog out of his hole after a long winter sleep to look for his shadow. If he sees it, he regards it as an omen of six more weeks of bad weather and returns to his hole. If the day is cloudy and, hence, shadowless, he takes it as a sign of spring and stays above ground.
Of course it's a crock, but it's fun. And it has become a big event. How big? It's a chamber of commerce director's dream. Since the release of the movie, Groundhog Day, starring Bill Murray, in 1993, record crowds numbering as high as 30,000 have visited Gobblers' Knob.
The festivities began Saturday night with the Shadow Swing dance; followed on Sunday by the First Baptist Church's "annual concert of inspiration and sacred music" and "13th Annual Groundhog Lasagna Dinner;" followed on Wednesday by those Baptists' again, with the "13th Annual Groundhog Lasagna Luncheon" (do they call it leftovers, or do they say its been born-again?); followed on Thursday by the crowning the crowning of the Groundhog King and Queen, and the Woodchuck Whittle Carving Show.
On Friday, beginning at 3 o'clock in the morning we're all invited to "join the 121st Trek to Gobbler's Knob for Phil's Official Prognostication!" There'll be live entertainment, music, fireworks, and fun, before Phil's official prediction comes at daybreak.
Here's to ol' Phil seeing his shadow, right? But come shadow or sun, the whole day is chucked full of fun stuff to do, including the Groundhog Day Club Comedy Night at the Elks Club.
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Q: Why was the groundhog depressed about his den? A: He was having a bad lair day!
Q: What happens if the ground log sees its shadow? A: We'll have six more weeks of splinters!
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On Saturday, they'll be lining up for the "Groundhog Jog" four-mile race, where we might expect the newly-crowned "Little Mr. and Miss Groundhog" to say Get-set! and Go! Afterwards we're all invited to "meet Phil and see the new Toyota Tundra, Phil's official transportation for Groundhog Day 2007."
Just like the Super Bowl!
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Speaking of the Super Bowl:
On Sunday, the National Football League championship game will lamely follow the Groundhog Day festivities.
The Chicago Bears will play the Indianapolis Colts, in Miami. (We heard Punxsutawney Phil will be on South Beach by then, catching some rays).
I heard CBS wanted $2.6 million for a 30-second Super Bowl ad. That's was its asking price. With a few forth-quarter slots left to fill CBS is willing to go as low as $1.8 million, which is the bargain I've been holding out for. On second thought, I think I'll punt.
Advertisers are eager to pay for Super Bowl spots because they're guaranteed to have huge numbers of viewers, including millions who tune in just to see the commercials, but could care less about the game. Last year's TV audience was watched by 90.7 million people.
I found a web site called www.superbowlads.com where you can learn everything about the ads being shown during the Super Bowl. You can download a "Spot Bowl" ad score sheet to keep a running tally of the ads you think are best.
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Which reminds me
During last year's Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the small animals. The big animals were crushing small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?" "I did," said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too," said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede. "So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach. "Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."
— GRANT OVERSTAKE
