Hill-Topics
Thanks for not sending those cards and letters wishing me a speedy recovery from the Purple Mongolian Glug. It was thoughtful of you, because with the addition of a dreaded case of Gooey-Eye in both eyes, I couldn't have read them, anyway.
In fact, after several days of suffering this dis-ease, the words I'm clacking into the computer still look a little blurry this morning as I write this Hill-Optics long past deadline (sorry again, Donna).
According to the Wise Ones at Wikipedia.com, Conjunctivitis (commonly called "pinkeye" in the USA and "Madras Eye" in India) is an inflammation of the conjunctiva (the outermost layer of the eye and the inner surface of the eyelids), most commonly due to an allergic reaction or an infection (usually bacterial or viral)
All of which reminds me of the tombstone that read, "See! I told you I was sick!"
Since we don't raise chickens and my wife Claire is an American, I'm going to have to go with the viral conjunctivitis, which is "often associated with an infection of the upper respiratory tract, a common cold, or a sore throat. Its symptoms include watery discharge and variable itch. The infection usually begins with one eye, but may spread easily to the fellow eye
Isn't that a nifty turn of phrase, "the fellow eye!" That fellow, I, is a skinny guy.
Outstanding pupils, my eyes must've learned to share and share alike.
But I think I might have bacterial conjunctivitis, due to the common pyogenic (pus-producing) bacteria causes marked grittiness/irritation and a stringy, opaque, gray or yellowish mucopurulent discharge (gowl, goop, sleep, or other regional names) that may cause the lids to stick together (matting), especially after sleeping.
O.K., Mr. Overstake, this is getting way-close to over-share there.
My school-teacher wife, Claire, an expert in classroom diseases, says students who show up with pink-eye are sent home immediately. She took one look at me and ran straight to the sink to wash her hands with antibacterial soap. She washes her hands a zillion times a day and uses that germ-killing hand lotion stuff. She told me I absolutely could not go out of the house, and not to touch anything in the house. She looked me in the eye with a disturbing degree of disgust, and then went to wash her hands again.
* * * * *
Speaking of Claire, we want to wish a speedy recovery to her boss, Hillsboro Elementary Principal Evan Yoder.
If your child is a student at HES, you've probably heard by now that: "
— Mr. Yoder is on crutches!
— He was bitten by a rattlesnake!
— A runaway school bus ran over his foot!
— Insert your own whopper here!).
Yes, Mr. Yoder is on crutches. According to my bedside source (who heard it in the teacher's lounge so it must be true) Saturday morning, Evan was hurrying around doing chores at his farm home, wearing running shoes and weighed down with 10-gallon buckets of water in each hand, when he stepped on a nail sticking out of a board.
Let that sink in. Ouch!
The wound was serious enough to require emergency treatment, which meant that his hurrying around to get up to Hays to watch his son, Jacob, wrestle in the state tournament was for naught. Bummer.
Mr. Yoder, who might be the best adult distance runner in Marion County, invited me to go jogging with him sometime. If I plan to keep up with him, I figure now is the time.
* * * * *
Due to my aforementioned maladies, I was house-bound most of last week, except on Thursday, when I had to go to El Dorado to pick up my son, Garrison, and then go to Men's Warehouse in Wichita, to be fitted for tuxedos for The Big Wedding of our daughter, Bethany and her beau, Joe, on March 10 up in Happy Monk (Omm-aha!), Neb.
My gooey eyes were gooing pretty good by the time I got there. How do I know this? Because my son said, "Dad! You've got gooey eyes!"
Not only did I have gooey eyes, my vision was getting blurry, so I asked him to drive his car to Wichita. I think the guy that fit us for our tuxes thought I was weepy because of the upcoming wedding, so that was fun.
The girl who wrote up the order said not to weep, because I really would look good in my black tux and flamingo pink cummerbund.
I've never knowingly consumed the wrong kind of mushrooms, but I got a sense of what that might be like later that night, on the way home from El Dorado.
I was able to see well enough to drive, but the streetlights looked like giant dandelion puffs, and the headlights of oncoming traffic appeared three times normal size.
And, except for the speeding cattle truck that tried to pass another cattle truck and literally ran me off the road on U.S.-50 east of Peabody, it was an uneventful trip.
* * * * *
Although there is no cure for viral conjunctivitis, symptomatic relief may be achieved with cool compresses and artificial tears. For the worst cases, topical steroid drops may be prescribed to reduce the discomfort from inflammation. Patients are often advised to avoid touching their eyes or sharing towels and washcloths. Viral conjunctivitis usually resolves within three weeks.
Three weeks?!
Bethany gets married a week from Saturday! And she sure doesn't need a gooey-eyed Dad walking her down the aisle, especially if his pink eyes clash with his flamingo pink belt!
Hopefully, I'll be cleared up enough to be crying for all the right reasons by then.
— GRANT OVERSTAKE
