One Woman's View: What children learn from sports
Much news coverage recently was devoted to the case of the father convicted of manslaughter in the death of another father in a fight which occurred at the sons' hockey practice. The victim was coaching the youngsters' hockey team. Ironically, the altercation began when the man now convicted of killing him objected that he was allowing the play to get too rough.
Although you seldom see parents come to blows at children's sporting events in this part of the country, the case raises some questions that need to be addressed by everyone involved in athletics for youngsters and teen-agers. What are the responsibilities of coaches and parents in preventing an antagonistic atmosphere from developing? Should there be a plan in place to deal with disturbances if they arise? Most of all, what is the purpose (or purposes) of sports for young people and how can those purposes best be accomplished?
From my limited experience attending sporting events, I doubt if violence is a big problem here. However, I have known adult fans, often parents, to shout insults at umpires, referees, opposing players and sometimes even their own children. What message does this kind of behavior send to the children on the baseball diamond or the basketball court?
In my view there are three reasons for encouraging your children to become involved in sports. One is to help them develop physical skills and keep in good shape. If the adults involved develop a win-at-all-costs mentality, this purpose may be undermined.
Children should never be pressured to perform feats for which their young bodies are not yet prepared. For example, many medical experts do not think youngsters should play football until at least junior high, but in many places programs are being developed for younger children, primarily because some gung-ho parents cannot wait for their offspring to grow up a little.
Another often overlooked purpose is to give children an opportunity to simply have fun. Simple and old-fasihoned as that seems, I think it may be the primary reason to encourage athletic activity in your child. If a child has a parent in the bleachers embarrassing him by cursing the referee or umpire and screaming at him every time he makes a small mistake, just how much fun do you think that kid is having? Lighten up. The world will not end if your son or daughter loses a game. If you send the message that his performance is a life and death matter, you can destroy self-esteem and, more simply, spoil his pleasure.
I have a friend whose sons were involved in wrestling at an early age. Her husband, generally speaking a very good father, helped coach. The younger boy was a happy-go-lucky kid who just got a kick out of life regardless of what was happening. After losing a match at a meet, he came back to the sidelines with a cheerful grin, which was quickly replaced by a woebegone expression close to tears at a remark from his father.
The boy's mother came from the bleachers to ask her husband, "What did you say to that boy?"
"I told him to wipe that grin off his face," her husband replied. "He didn't have anything to be so happy about."
My friend, a gentle but strong-minded woman, began picking up her sons' gear. When her husband asked why, she said, "I'm taking the boys home. If you aren't going to let them have a good time, I see no reason for them to be here."
To his credit, her husband looked first stunned, then ashamed, and said, "My gosh, I'm turning into my father." Then his behavior changed.
The third reason for involving children in sports is to teach them values which may make them better people. These values include hard work, patience, perseverance and teamwork, but also respect for others and good sportsmanship.
Respect and sportsmanship are values much more effectively taught by example than precept. If coaches or parents encourage less than fair tactics or rough play in an effort to secure a win, the youngster knows that all the public talk about fair play and sportsmanship is mere window dressing.
When children see adult fans, perhaps their own parents, screaming insults (sometimes even obscene ones) at officials and opposing players, they suspect that any lecture about respect for others is thoroughly phony, or at best meant for children only.
When you attend a sporting event, be as enthusiastic as you like in cheering on your team; you'll give the young people on the court or playing field a powerful message of support. However, that positive message can very quickly turn negative, if your cheering turns to booing, insulting or antagonizing others.
You have a double responsibility if you are a parent, but non-parenthood does not let you off the hook. You may never know how much influence you have on a child.
Since I was not there, I do not really know how much blame attaches to Tom Junta, the man convicted of manslaughter, and how much to his opponent who reportedly threw the first punch.
I do know that there is a lot at fault in the highly charged atmosphere which encourages such a fight to break out at an event, which is supposed to be designed for children to have fun. The values and attitudes of our culture have drifted awry and need to be reexamined closely.
If you are involved as a parent or coach in children's sporting events and you see wrong attitudes and values being expressed or encouraged, act to bring sanity, sportsmanship and fun back into the picture. But do it with a calm, reasoned voice, not with a profane scream or a fist in the face.
