Ranting and raving
So it's been kind of awkward, this situation that I'm in.
You already know that I've quit my current job — cat definitely out of the bag there. No secrets. And you also know that when one job ends, another begins, so that means I'm looking into further employment.
And man, that has been pretty stressful and time-consuming of late. Full of the crazy, bizarre things that make me say, 'I need to write about this!'
But how can I do that when nothing's final? Nothing's complete? Sure, I could tell you that I'm looking into a job at the New York Times, but they won't pay me the money I want.
Just kidding.
Consider this editorial an ode to vagueness, and I can almost guarantee that next week all will be revealed.
Here are some lessons learned in the scary world of job hunting.
No. 1: Before an interview, find the nearest time machine and jump into it. Warp back to every single job you've ever had, even if it was years and years ago when you were 80 pounds lighter and your hair was a weird shade of blonde.
Even if you think that job as piddly desk clerk of piddly company doesn't matter, think again — your interviewer may want to know every last detail. So bone up on your past, because after time, the mind tends to slip a bit.
No. 2: When the interviewer asks you if you'd like something to drink, ask for water. Believe me, drinking upward of five Diet Cokes per day can wreak havoc on your system. Caffeine withdrawal can be a real pain.
No. 3: If you're traveling a significant distance away, take lots of cash. Don't count on plastic or checks.
You just never know — one day, around 4 a.m. or so, you may be headed for the airport for a nightmarishly early flight, and you may stop at an ATM machine for money to pay the cab fare (because the machine at the hotel didn't work).
And you just may insert your Central National Bank card, only to discover that NOW the machine is temporarily out of service and the nice people at Wells Fargo won't go back and retrieve it for you.
So you just may try to get money from your Mastercard at a nearby gas station, only to find that IT won't work, and guess what — the nice credit card people think someone stole your card, so for the rest of the day it will be declined.
And though you just may try to cash a check, hey sucker — it's an out of state check, we can't cash that. So you just may have ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY until you get back home.
There. I feel better.
No. 4: Wear comfortable shoes. Those black numbers that feel like slippers when you wear them to church Sunday morning can turn into torture devices when you wear them for a 10-hour day.
Give them a long test drive ahead of time or bring Band-Aids.
— g g
I just realized that No. 3 was way too long, so this will end the first installment of Jennifer's Job Interview Tips.
Tune in next week, when Jennifer accepts a job where she gets paid $100,000 per year to watch TV and sleep.
I can dream, can't I?
— JENNIFER WILSON
