Star-Journal Exclusive: The Uncle Sam interview
This reporter conducted the following exclusive interview with Uncle Sam, emblem of our nation, June 26.
It was arranged for The Hillsboro Star-Journal by Stan Harder, director of Hillsboro City Museums, who's bursting with patriotic pride that Uncle Sam accepted his invitation to be the guest of honor at the "July 4th Eve Celebration."
"According to his appointment secretary, he's going to make only three stops in Kansas and Hillsboro is one of them!" Harder exclaimed.
Here is the actual transcript of the interview between this editor and Uncle Sam.
Star-Journal: We'll start with the spelling of your name, U-N-C-L-E S-A-M. Is there a middle name?
U.S.: Well, not that I know of.
Star-Journal: Just to confirm. You'll really be in Hillsboro from 5:30 p.m. to 8 p.m. July 3 for the "Fourth of July Eve Celebration" at the Schaeffler House Museum, located at Third and Grand.
U.S.: Yes, I'm looking forward to it. I was there two years ago, I believe. I enjoyed how people brought their lawn chairs to the museum grounds; the old folks, the young folks. It reminded me of the old, glory-glory days.
Star-Journal: You were born July 4, 1776, so this will be your birthday party?
U.S.: A night early. Yes, that's correct.
Star-Journal: For someone 260 years old, you seem remarkably well kept.
Uncle Sam: Thank you.
Star-Journal: As the guest of honor, there'll be games, contests and prizes, and children will be following you in the "Red, White and Blue Parade," on bikes, trikes, scooters, buggies, and wagons.
U.S.: Yes! The children's parade! And I've made cards, a little like baseball cards, with me on the front and Old Glory on the back, and I'll be giving them to kids.
Star-Journal: You're not going to try to conscript anybody?
U.S.: No, that will not be the intent on this day.
Star-Journal: While we're on the subject, you've got a lot of sand in your shoes these days.
U.S.: Yes. Uncle Sam is getting around isn't he? [chuckle]. But, well, that's another story.
Star-Journal: Will you be wearing your famous birthday suit? And, who's your tailor?
U.S.: Yes, I'll be dazzling. My tailor is a novelty costume shop in Wichita. I think I paid $25 or $30. I only wear it once a year.
Star-Journal: Now that anybody can wear your costume, every Tom, Dick, and Harry thinks he's Uncle Sam?
U.S.: Could be, which is not good. Because there's protocol, you see. You've got to know how to introduce speakers, shake a lot of hands, generally be happy, you know, about the day.
Star-Journal: And be optimistic about the future?
U.S.: It's tough sometimes.
Star-Journal: You'll introduce speakers here?
U.S.: Yes, the front-porch introduction thing, it's a lost art.
You have to have enthusiasm!
And, be dignified!
And, you hail all dignitaries!
Star-Journal: What?
U.S.: You don't cut them down. You don't find fault in their plans or their legislative duties. You don't condemn them or point out the errors of their way.
Star-Journal: Especially not on your birthday.
U.S.: Right. This is a day to rejoice in our freedom and to acknowledge our elected officials.
Star-Journal: What do you think of the Schnigglefritz Band?
U.S.: I have no intelligence on a band by that name. Are they dangerous?
Star-Journal: No sir, they're a polka band. They'll to play at your party, along with Bob Delk and the Boys, The Hillsboro Men's Choir, and Jodi Stutzman and Jesse Warkentin.
U.S.: I love homegrown talent.
Star-Journal: Rumor is Abe Lincoln will be there to read his Gettysburg Address.
U.S.: I've always liked that speech, and that man.
Star-Journal: Have you ever met a politician you didn't like?
U.S. No. Not on my birthday. On that day, I like to think that we're all on the same side of the aisle.
Because, well, that's America.
Star-Journal: Well put. Thank you for your time. See you July 3.
U.S.: I'm looking forward to it.
[Editor's note: Dale Honeck was present for this interview. For 364 days a year, he is the principal at Hillsboro High School].
